Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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