Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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