I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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