My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
