GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
