She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize