I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Is it penis luge time yet?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
