I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I did not marry a roomba.
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