I'm so fucking centered right now
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
