Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
