Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
