I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
