you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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