I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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