I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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