I cannot find my penis.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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