today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize