he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER