A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.