I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.