dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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