Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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