My room smells like vodka and shame
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
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This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
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its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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