he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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