Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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