Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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