you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
