dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.