THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person