Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My feet surprised me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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