I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
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jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.