I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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