Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.