Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap