i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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