why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
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OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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