Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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