Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
this will be a night to untag.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.