ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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