I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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