oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
