k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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