Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
