OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
