so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize