this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
