We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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