So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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