Where did you get a picture of my penis
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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