there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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