so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
