i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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