I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
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I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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