If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize