So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
