my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
