He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize